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NVC Resources with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Wishing For More Maturity & Skill In Others

Wishing For More Maturity & Skill In Others

Wishing For More Maturity & Skill In Others

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Practice Exercise • 3-5 minutes •

Practice Exercise
3-5 minutes

In some situations you might expect people to show a degree of maturity or skill. When they don't, your anger-fueled response doesn't lead to lasting improved relationship change. Instead, find someone who retains focus on your feelings and needs rather than colluding with you about what should(n't) be. This can support greater acceptance, grief, vulnerability, groundedness and discernment,...

How to Balance Differentiation and Bonding

How to Balance Differentiation and Bonding

How to Balance Differentiation and Bonding

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 5 -7 minutes •

Article
5 -7 minutes

When a relationship has both differentiation and bonding you can express differences and unmet needs, and responsibly do your own thing without it being a threat to the bond with another. You honor each others choices. There's trust rather than a sense of resentful obligation. Needs-based negotiation is easier. See if you tend to emphasize only differentiation or bonding in your relationships....

Responding To "Power Over" Interactions

Responding To "Power Over" Interactions

Responding To "Power Over" Interactions

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 5 - 7 minutes •

Article
5 - 7 minutes

Based on your observations of "power with" interactions choose a specific, do-able to practice so that you're prepared the next time you're in a power under/power over dynamic. Keep the practice simple to do in a difficult moment. Then reflect: identify what you did (internally or externally) or said that (de)escalated the dynamic. This practice requires noticing what went well, self...

Four Choices For Responding To Indirect Criticism Or Judgement

Four Choices For Responding To Indirect Criticism Or Judgement

Four Choices For Responding To Indirect Criticism Or Judgement

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 4 - 6 minutes •

Article
4 - 6 minutes

However indirectly expressed, any judgement or criticism is about the person's own thoughts, feelings, needs, and requests.This awareness can help you take people's comments less personally, and give you options: silent self-empathy, standing in your truth, contact and curiosity, and honest expression.

How To Stay Grounded In A Reactive Moment: Observing, Anchoring And Reflecting

How To Stay Grounded In A Reactive Moment: Observing, Anchoring And Reflecting

How To Stay Grounded In A Reactive Moment: Observing, Anchoring And Reflecting

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 4 - 6 minutes •

Article
4 - 6 minutes

To shift reactivity by moving yourself from the position of experiencer to observer, name what’s happening. This can help you access other skills for managing reactivity. Also, create a strong emotional anchor.

Contemplative Practice For Spiritual Insight

Contemplative Practice For Spiritual Insight

Contemplative Practice For Spiritual Insight

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 3 - 5 minutes •

Article
3 - 5 minutes

A structured and clear contemplative practice can start with calming the body, heart, and mind for 20 minutes. Next, it contains at least three key elements: body awareness, clarifying what you already know, and consistent sustained attention. Celebrate and note insights, or any expanded perspective that pops into your awareness. Set an intention to notice these things in daily life and to...

Understanding How Shame Hinders Clear Requests

Understanding How Shame Hinders Clear Requests

Understanding How Shame Hinders Clear Requests

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 3 - 5 minutes •

Article
3 - 5 minutes

It may be challenging to hear or make requests when you feel shame regarding anyone's feelings and needs. Without support, shame could be debilitating, so you may feel resistant and become defensive, hear threat, or criticize others. Instead, be with people who allow space for vulnerability. Find ways to celebrate, negotiate, be mindful, accepting, and creative.

Offering Presence For Repetitive Fears

Offering Presence For Repetitive Fears

Offering Presence For Repetitive Fears

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 3 - 5 minutes •

Article
3 - 5 minutes

Three things can be helpful to practice when you want to contribute to someone caught in repetitive fears: self empathy, allowing grief for what you wish was true and is not, and empathy for their difficulty. You can also ask them what's helpful.

A Process For Changing Habits

A Process For Changing Habits

A Process For Changing Habits

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 5 - 7 minutes •

Article
5 - 7 minutes

Let's take a look at life-serving possibilities for changing a habit: contemplation of the benefits and costs of the habit, changing the conditions in your life to support the new habit, and taking support away from the old habit. Read on for more.

Being Yourself And Asking For What You Want

Being Yourself And Asking For What You Want

Being Yourself And Asking For What You Want

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 7 - 11 minutes •

Article
7 - 11 minutes

Let's look at the resources, awareness, and skills needed to ask for emotional attunement, celebration, relatedness, perspective, understanding, advice, and information. This includes expressing appreciation for what's supporting your needs, strengthening a sense of worthiness, and awareness of your reactivity and intention. Plus, making requests that are clear, specific, doable and creates a...

How To Distinguish True Caring From Being Charmed

How To Distinguish True Caring From Being Charmed

How To Distinguish True Caring From Being Charmed

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 4-6 minutes •

Article
4-6 minutes

The attention you enjoy may not be motivated by true caring for you. There are three key questions that can help you discern whether you are receiving care or charm: How does caring show up under duress? How are differences treated? How consistent is the ability to consider the impact of their behavior on others? Be mindful of your judgments and notice any patterns.

What To Do When They Never Want to Talk About It

What To Do When They Never Want to Talk About It

What To Do When They Never Want to Talk About It

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 5 - 7 minutes •

Article
5 - 7 minutes

When someone doesn't want to talk some options include releasing your attachment to the strategy you want, asking about and affirming with empathy their reasons for not talking, looking for what support could be helpful to shift to more openness, letting go, and grieving. Read on for more on this, including possible reasons for why they might not want to engage on it.

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate - How to Connect With What Matters

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate - How to Connect With What Matters

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate - How to Connect With What Matters

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 8 - 12 minutes •

Article
8 - 12 minutes

To help you stay connected to yourself and the other person when in challenging discussions about COVID-19 vaccines or other hot issues, without labeling others as reactive or otherwise, you can begin by tracking signs of your own reactivity to bring mindfulness onboard, then shifting your attention to universal needs; and asking to connect about it later. Read on for more.

Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 3 - 5 minutes •

Article
3 - 5 minutes

Where do you feel desperation, resentment, anger about your partner's choices? What do you want to demand of them? Rather than looking for what they're suppose to do, look for your feelings and needs, how would you would respond if you trusted your needs could be met without your partner, and what you choose to do given what your partner offers and does not offer.

Express Anger with Responsibility

Express Anger with Responsibility

Express Anger with Responsibility

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 3 - 5 minutes •

Article
3 - 5 minutes

Anger can bring in judgment and blame. Instead, use anger and frustration to identify what’s important and express what matters to you in a collaborative way.

How to Meet Hurt and Pain From the Past

How to Meet Hurt and Pain From the Past

How to Meet Hurt and Pain From the Past

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 2 - 4 minutes •

Article
2 - 4 minutes

Past hurt and pain can get triggered even when it doesn't have much to do with the present. When that happens we can gain perspective by self reflecting, engaging self empathy, grounding an "anchor", noticing the present-moment safety, naming needs and making requests.

Understanding Earned Authority and Dissolving Projections Through Boundaries and Shared Humanity

Understanding Earned Authority and Dissolving Projections Through Boundaries and Shared Humanity

Understanding Earned Authority and Dissolving Projections Through Boundaries and Shared Humanity

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 6 - 9 minutes •

Article
6 - 9 minutes

Someone may give more weight to your ideas, decisions, and directives based on your experience and what you've learned. This could influence them to project their ideals, fears, hopes, and more onto you. In this case, you can help transform this and contribute to their connection to their own agency, authenticity, and self-trust -- while supporting their ability to learn from what you have to...

How to Respect Boundaries When Offering Empathy

How to Respect Boundaries When Offering Empathy

How to Respect Boundaries When Offering Empathy

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 6 - 9 minutes •

Article
6 - 9 minutes

Sometimes the empathy you offer may stimulate disconnect or a sense of boundary crossing for the other person. To identify what might have contributed to the disconnect you can look for the signs, the level of attunement and the context, and examine what's happening in you. Read on for more.

Understanding and Transforming Anger

Understanding and Transforming Anger

Understanding and Transforming Anger

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 6 - 9 minutes •

Article
6 - 9 minutes

Anger can alert us that a need may be threatened. When anger lives in someone as a well-worn habit, it arises from a place of dissociation from one’s heart and is entangled with misinterpretations, a deep sense of threat, a history of pain, and social conditioning that isn’t life-serving. Read on for how intention, mindfulness, and specific actions can change that habit.

Healing Worthlessness and Finding Belonging

Healing Worthlessness and Finding Belonging

Healing Worthlessness and Finding Belonging

with LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

Article • 4- 6 minutes •

Article
4- 6 minutes

With worthlessness comes the idea of not belonging or not being worthy of belonging. In this context, belonging is more than an identity with a particular group. It is the sort of belonging that enables you to get other fundamental needs met, including safety, support, nourishment, and love. Unconscious attempts win worthiness and belonging often effectively blocks the very thing its pursuing....

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