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NVC Resources on Blame

From Blame To Power

From Blame To Power

From Blame To Power

with Miki Kashtan

Practice Exercise • 12 -18 minutes •

Practice Exercise
12 -18 minutes

Blame is opaque when we don’t reflect on it deeply. We blame when we don’t see ourselves as having power to shape things, and see others as the ones who can. Blame and how we respond to it, is both a symptom of inability to step into power, and an impediment to empowered relationships. Transforming blame requires self-responsibility. Read on for practices involving empathy, inner connection,...

Healing the Blame that Binds

Healing the Blame that Binds

Healing the Blame that Binds

with Kelly Bryson

Article • 4 -6 minutes •

Article
4 -6 minutes

Blame is the game that protects me from the understanding that the cause of all my emotional distress, fear, shame and guilt comes from the part of me I call "the inner voice." As long as I keep the big bony finger of blame pointed in your direction, I can remain unaware of the fact that it is what I am telling myself about your behavior that is stimulating my painful reactions.

Winning the Blame Game

Winning the Blame Game

Winning the Blame Game

with Jim & Jori Manske

Audio • 47 minutes •

Audio
47 minutes

Jim and Jori Manske offer insight into blame, how it arises and how do we handle being blamed and our own blame of others.

Blame, Responsibility, And Care

Blame, Responsibility, And Care

Blame, Responsibility, And Care

with Miki Kashtan

Article • 11 - 16 minutes •

Article
11 - 16 minutes

One NVC principle is "stimulus vs cause" - one may be the stimulus but never the cause of another's feelings. When we're upset this principle can help us express pain without blame. However, when others are upset it's easy to slip into blaming them using this principle. Instead, we can hear their pain with care and heartfelt mourning - without guilt nor defensiveness, and whether or not we...

Moving From Blame to Self-Responsibility

Moving From Blame to Self-Responsibility

Moving From Blame to Self-Responsibility

with Miki Kashtan

Article • 2 - 5 minutes •

Article
2 - 5 minutes

Often when someone else does something we don't like, it's easy to blame the other person. After all, we have all been trained to focus on fault when needs are not met. What can we do to shift that pattern?

Expressing Our Pain Without Blame

Expressing Our Pain Without Blame

Expressing Our Pain Without Blame

with Miki Kashtan

Article • 4 - 6 minutes •

Article
4 - 6 minutes

The more we can stay present with our hurt, and own our interpretations, we are more likely to express what's important to us without blame and also to become resilient. From there, the listener can have more space to offer their full presence and empathy. Read on for more.

The Blame-Free State (5 Session Course)

The Blame-Free State (5 Session Course)

The Blame-Free State (5 Session Course)

with Francois Beausoleil

Audio • 6 - 8 hours •

Audio
6 - 8 hours

Blame can become a terrible habit – one that’s extremely costly both personally, socially and culturally. When you play The Blame Game there are usually only losers. Nobody wins, not really. Learn how to move out of blame into peace – whether it involves others, yourself or situations.

Without Judgment or Blame

Without Judgment or Blame

Without Judgment or Blame

with Bridget Belgrave

Audio • 27 minutes •

Audio
27 minutes

Bridget Belgrave, CNVC Certified Trainer from the United Kingdom, talks with an interviewer after he attends an NVC and Dance Floors workshop with her. The interviewer shares his reaction to the term "Nonviolent Communication."

Enriching Life

Enriching Life

Enriching Life

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes •

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: If you are motivated by fear, guilt, blame or shame, your actions will usually be motivated by avoiding pain. The best way to experience permanent, lifelong change is to focus on how your life will improve when you make a change. Notice when you attempt to motivate yourself and others with guilt, blame, or shame today, and then look for motivations that enrich life instead.

3 Simple Steps to Set The Boundaries You Need

3 Simple Steps to Set The Boundaries You Need

3 Simple Steps to Set The Boundaries You Need

with Erin Merrihew

Article • 3 - 5 minutes •

Article
3 - 5 minutes

Resentment is one sign that you need a boundary. You can set a boundary by requesting the behavior that would be most meaningful to you. Include why that behavior would be meaningful to you and share vulnerably. Then notice if you are holding any blame and ask yourself, “What do I need to feel underneath my blame?” If you can take responsibility for those feelings with compassion, the other...

Exercise On Self Responsibility

Exercise On Self Responsibility

Exercise On Self Responsibility

with Robert Gonzales

Practice Exercise • 1 - 2 minutes •

Practice Exercise
1 - 2 minutes

Self responsibility is owning what's yours. It involves identifying your observations, evaluations, feelings, longings, and more. When we identify what's truly ours we are unlikely to mistake it as coming from outside of us. Self responsibility is not self blame. Without self responsibility, we project, blame and judge. Self-responsibility is central to clarity and full self-awareness. This...

Four Ways to Hear Any Message

Four Ways to Hear Any Message

Four Ways to Hear Any Message

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes •

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer tip: In every interaction, we have a choice of responding in one of these four ways: judge/blame self, Judge/blame others, empathize with self, and/or empathize with others. The goal is to make a conscious choice about our response. Notice the choices you have when you receive someone’s communication today.

Moving Beyond Needs as Met or Unmet

Moving Beyond Needs as Met or Unmet

Moving Beyond Needs as Met or Unmet

with Peggy Smith

Article • 5 - 8 minutes •

Article
5 - 8 minutes

Sometimes when we regard needs as something that could be met or unmet by another person or by a situation we unconsciously hold the belief that our needs should be met. Or we end up holding blame or implying wrongdoing. People are more likely to resist a request made from this stance. Instead, here are practices to increasingly losen any remaining attachment or demand energy -- and open our...

Dissolving Enemy Images

Dissolving Enemy Images

Dissolving Enemy Images

with Francois Beausoleil

Audio • 34 minutes •

Audio
34 minutes

Francois shares the benefits of living in the Blame Free State, the state of the heart that has no enemies. Dissolve your enemy images.

Taking Responsibility for Meeting Our Needs

Taking Responsibility for Meeting Our Needs

Taking Responsibility for Meeting Our Needs

with Eddie Zacapa

Trainer Tip • 3 - 5 minutes •

Trainer Tip
3 - 5 minutes

This trainer tip suggests ways to transform blame in to personal power. He suggests having multiple sources of support and multiple pathways to achieving the outcome you want, to allow more room to hear a "no". Read on for more.

Engage Your Curiosity

Engage Your Curiosity

Engage Your Curiosity

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes •

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: When someone acts in baffling ways we can either wonder about what’s going on with the other person, create our own stories about it (blame, resent, make assumptions), or inform ourselves by asking. This is an opportunity to learn something new.

Taking 100% Responsibility for Every Relationship (4 Session Course)

Taking 100% Responsibility for Every Relationship (4 Session Course)

Taking 100% Responsibility for Every Relationship (4 Session Course)

with Miki Kashtan

Audio • 4 - 6 hours •

Audio
4 - 6 hours

Taking 100% Responsibility offers a powerful antidote to the all-too-common dynamic of blaming that leaves you in the victim position and unable to have the relationship you want. Miki invites you to assume a stance of leadership while holding full care for both parties’ needs. No longer will you need to wait for the other person to change, nor will you need to give up your needs to reach...

Sitting With Not Knowing: Embracing the Heart of Nonviolent Communication

Sitting With Not Knowing: Embracing the Heart of Nonviolent Communication

Sitting With Not Knowing: Embracing the Heart of Nonviolent Communication

with Dian Killian

Article • 3 - 5 minutes •

Article
3 - 5 minutes

Sitting with not knowing is an NVC skill because its the opposite of reactivity. In our haste to find relief from the discomfort of not knowing, we often become defensive, jump to conclusions, and blame and criticize others. Sitting with not knowing requires us to suspend our distrust, tolerate fear and uncertainty - creating space within us. NVC provides a way forward to enter into a space of...

Life-Alienating Communication

Life-Alienating Communication

Life-Alienating Communication

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 2 - 3 minutes •

Trainer Tip
2 - 3 minutes

Trainer tip: Be aware of times when you are judging others, demanding, making comparisons, or denying responsibility for your actions. Notice how these communication patterns affect your connection with other people.

Enjoying The Process

Enjoying The Process

Enjoying The Process

with Mary Mackenzie

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes •

Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes

Trainer Tip: Notice where you're judging or blaming people for not meeting your needs. Strive instead to notice and name the related feelings and needs longing to be met. Ask a question to check with the other person about what they want and need. This can open up the conversation towards mutually beneficial solutions.

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