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NVC Resources on Feelings


Differentiating Between Feelings And Faux Feelings

Learning Tool • N/A • 
Learning Tool
N/A
This chart is intended as an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list, when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” you might translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?”

Feelings vs. Thoughts Vocabulary Builder

Practice Exercise • 10 minutes • 
Practice Exercise
10 minutes
This ten question exercise will help build your feelings vocabulary. It is helpful to differentiate between words that describe what we think others are doing around us, and words that describe actual feelings. These "faux feelings" often reveal more about how we think others are behaving than what we are actually feeling ourselves. Feeling words are always about us, not the other person.

Feelings vs Interpretations

Article • 1-2 minutes • 
Article
1-2 minutes
Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.

Evaluations vs. Feelings

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer tip: Beware that your expression of feelings helps you own how you feel, rather than blaming the other person for doing something you see as wrong. Expressing your feelings helps the other person know how deeply this issue affects you. Plus it can bring more clarity and connection to all parties. Read on for more.

The Heart of the Matter: Connecting More Deeply to Your Feelings and Needs

Audio • 2 hours, 21 minutes • 
Audio
2 hours, 21 minutes
Do you want to increase your capacity to identify and connect with feelings and needs? Would you like to enhance your ability to translate judgments? Join Miki for this deep dive into feelings and needs.

A List of Feelings We All Have (Emotions and Sensations)

Learning Tool • N/A • 
Learning Tool
N/A
The following list of words are used to express a combination of emotional states and physical sensations. This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to help you develop your emotional vocabulary and further support your communication with others.

Feelings Are a Response to Our Met or Unmet Needs

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Our particular needs and expectations in the moment, influences how we feel. So if you are feeling hurt, sad, angry, or disappointed, try to consider what your unmet needs are, and see if there are other ways you can get them met. Today, track how your needs affect your feelings.

How to Express Feelings

Trainer Tip • 1 - 2 minutes • 
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer tip: Feelings of hurt, anger, fear, and resentment can often sound alike. Fear and excitement have the same physiological effects on us, and are often expressed in the same body language. Clearly and specifically naming our emotions and the intensity level can help us resolve conflicts, with a much greater opportunity to get our needs met.

Alarm Feelings: Anger, Guilt, Shame and Shut Down

Practice Exercise • 4 - 6 minutes • 
Practice Exercise
4 - 6 minutes
Anger, guilt, shame, and shutdown are often based on reactivity and “should” thinking. They narrow and distort perceptions, which can bring more suffering. So instead, feel them without resistance, nor acting on them. Bring clarity by naming your observables and thoughts, plus your underlying vulnerable feelings, needs and self-responsibility. Then mourn what needs were, or are, unmet. Only...