NVC Resources on Groups
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Use these cards in your practice group or NVC training to understand 4 different ways of responding to hard to hear messages. Become aware of the way you habitually respond to stimulus and develop skills to respond with empathy and express honestly.
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Even groups and organizations with noblest visions can slide into cult-like swamps. The reasons that bring people together are irrelevant; whether it's politics, spirituality, activism, art… a hidden hierarchy, plus dominance and submission dynamic can sprout, and beliefs that “we, our leader, and our path is better than others, we have all the answers”. As a member it can be hard to see. Here are signs of cult mentality and ways to assess.
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Even leaders we admire may exhibit behaviors that could be labeled as abusive, at least slightly. This includes not treating followers as equals, using charm, and hiding or twisting truth. In such scenarios a key reason for this is loneliness. If we're using our work and position primarily to gain for appreciation, acknowledgement, and acceptance then we need to examine our own loneliness. We need feedback to keep such conduct in check.
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What does nonviolence have to do with group facilitation?
Miki Kashtan believes that nonviolence is a way of being and living that orients us in all our thoughts, words and deeds toward the integration of truth, love and courage. All nonviolent individual and collective actions are aimed at preserving what serves life and challenging what does not. Facilitation is one clear path for bringing nonviolence to the world!
How can we act now, as facilitators, as if the world of our dreams, the Beloved Community, is already in place?
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Trainer Tip: Meetings can be unproductive when the participants aren’t clear about their needs or what they want from the group. When participants express opinions without expressing a need or informing the group of what they want, the meeting lacks clarity. Instead, if we can focus on naming our needs and make related requests, we can get closer to resolution much faster and enjoy the process more. Read on for an example.
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Ask the Trainer: "Recently, I was sitting in my weekly practice group trying to connect to my reasons for wanting to give empathy to a particular person. She was telling us about some painful feeling she was having, but was not connecting to her needs."
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The awareness and practice of interdependence is integral to holding an NVC consciousness. Practicing interdependence also means bringing in a quality of care in the moments we want to change agreements with others. This article talks about where our various choices, in regards to changing agreements, fits into different levels of engaging our interdependence.
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One clue we have trauma is when we respond in a way we don't want (eg. being reactive, self sabotaging, etc). Even when we have high level NVC skills our trauma-related mechanisms can activate, and we can lose access to well honed NVC skills. Read on for approaches that involve healing trauma, and approaches that involve managing the effects of trauma and preventing additional trauma.
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Listen to the Universe is a fun group exercise to explore how we focus our attention and interpret what we experience.
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When a person of color (A.K.A. a person from the Global Majority, or GM) tells a marginalization story that triggers a defensive response from a white participant in a group, to foster awareness and healing, leaders can address the white person's distress with empathy, highlighting the common dynamic of prioritizing white pain. From there, leaders can offer GM participants opportunity to share their experience and make requests of the group.
