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Join CNVC Certified Trainers and Mediators Jori and Jim Manske in an exploration of using Nonviolent Communication in the context of Mediation and Conflict Resolution.

Here's a quick tip to improve your empathy skills with empathy guessing.

Ask the Trainer: I feel overwhelmed thinking of writing to someone with cancer. What can I do?

Mary Mackenzie leads listeners through a guided meditation to experience the energy of needs. This meditation will support you to connect to your feelings and needs in the moment, and to experience the unique and deep energetic quality of that primary need.

In our fast-paced, busy lives it is tempting to practice NVC mostly with the left hemisphere of the brain, thinking through the steps quickly without slowing down to connect more deeply with feelings and needs.  Don't miss an opportunity to integrate the hemispheres of the brain and the valuable information from the neural networks in the heart and gut.

We can use anger as an important signal to let us know that we perceive a threat to a universal need or value, directing our attention to something so that we can take effective action, and avoid harmful thought patterns. For example, instead of dwelling on a "should," focus on addressing unmet needs through boundaries and effective communication.

Ask the Trainer: “I heard a trainer say once that the ‘to be’ verbs aren’t really needs, such as to be heard, to be understood or to be valued. Can you help me understand why not?”

Trainer Tip: When have you responded in a way you didn’t want? How could you have handled that situation differently? What would have better met your needs? Try not to judge your behavior, but learn from it. Each time we review our actions, we can learn something, become more adept at new skills, and come closer to our ideal. We can do this with the learning curve of practicing translating people’s words into feelings and needs.

The word "privilege" signifies the benefit to the person having it, and the relationship between that person’s benefit and others' lack of benefit. When privileged, there are incentives to not see this interdependent link. For instance, it's easier for the wealthy to think of the poverty of many and the wealth of some are unrelated. If the wealthy want to keep wealth they would need to continue with approaches rooted in this separation.

Often making an apology is not enough because people want greater depth of understanding and empathy. Instead of judging ourselves or feeling guilt we can "mourn" what we did that stirred up pain in others. This can bring about a sweet pain that leads to change. Then we can ask ourselves what we can do next time and make a commitment to do this and/or offer a regrets to the person expressing feelings and needs.